Blue Glow
by GeminiSOS
Summary: Takes place during the episode "Barrage" - what might have happened when Batou spent the night at the Major's safe house. Explores the character's thoughts, actions, and reasoning leading up to the events of the next day. Motoko x Batou.


**This story takes place during the GitS:SAC episode "Barrage."**

**I do not own Ghost in the Shell or any of the characters. **

"Let's make sure we stay alive. At least long enough to leave behind a record of what we tried to accomplish here."

Batou smirked. "Right. I'm not about to die without carrying out my mission."

With a quick grin, the Major started to walk back to the room she had emerged from. She felt a warm touch on her side. Surprised, she realized that Batou had wrapped his one intact arm around her and was slowly walking in step with her. Her mind raced.

This is not what was supposed to happen. He was never supposed to have found her. He was even taking a huge gamble, sure – daring to touch her like that. But those were the least of her concerns.

Tomorrow she knew she would be killed. Or at least, her remote body would be. Batou's grip tightened ever so slightly. It was impossible for him to know, and she knew she couldn't say a word. But here they were.

She stopped. She had walked right past the door and to the back wall without realizing it. She could feel him quizzically looking down at her. She returned the glance.

If he could have, she thought he might have blushed, but she'd never know. Instead he removed his arm and widely smiled, shrugging his shoulders. He didn't have to say anything. It made her more than a little pleased to know she could still put him in his place.

She slumped to the floor, her back to the wall. Following suit, Batou sat kittie-corner from her, his back to the wall, facing the city skyline. He looked out the window, the moonlight reflecting off of his metal eyes, then back at her. She sighed.

His eyebrows raised. "Something wrong?"

Unintentionally, she turned her watch around her wrist, side to side. "Batou. You went to that safehouse against orders from your direct superior."

It was a statement, but he could tell she was demanding an explanation. He smirked once more.

"Can I ask you a question?"

She looked up. He continued.

"We've spent years building this team. All of us. Hell, you and I, we even fought a war together. We've seen unimaginable destruction. And no matter what, we survive. We've been fighting our whole lives for what we consider to be justice. To protect others. To protect the truth. As a team, we'll fight no matter what. We'll fight for a common goal."

He paused. They'd had personal conversations before, but he knew he was about to cross a threshold. There would be no going back.

"Where's the question?" She asked.

"Major."

He was looking directly at her now. The smirk was gone.

"Major," he said again, more softly this time. "What about each of us? What is it that you're fighting for?"

Her eyebrows furrowed. She thought quietly for a few seconds, listening to the sirens and the cars on the street below. She let go of the watch and crossed her arms.

"Identity, I suppose," she finally responded. "To find myself. To find out what kind of person I truly am. Pressure forces people to make decisions. The decisions I make shape my identity. It's the only way I can feel…" she trailed off.

"Human?" he gently prodded.

"Sure, I guess. We can synchronize data with anyone. We can take on alternate personalities. We can even lose our identities completely. The more we sync and connect to the net, who are we really becoming? I'm searching for something. I'm searching and I'll keep searching until I'll find it. I don't know what it is. I just want proof…proof that I'm supposed to be here. Proof of who I am."

Batou sat in stunned silence. He stared at the Major, at her hair falling over her sad eyes. At her beautiful figure, outlined in moonlight. At her crossed arms, her slender hands. For the first time since he'd known her, she looked…vulnerable. He could never tell her, but it was the most "human" he had ever seen her look.

He shifted his weight, bringing his knee up and placing his arm over it. He spoke once more.

"Do you think you'll ever find it?"

Suddenly the sadness was gone, replaced by that tough stare he knew all too well. She pressed her head back against the cold wall and looked at the ceiling.  
"I suppose I can only hope."

They sat in silence. The helicopter lights continued to shine through at regular intervals, checking for their presence. Suddenly they turned sharply, casting light into the corners of the room. She knew they were getting desperate, scouring the surrounding buildings and streets. "Tomorrow will come soon enough," she muttered quietly.

"Major."

She snapped out of her trance. Batou had leaned over, his hand outstretched.

"Come over here. At that angle, you'll be casting shadows when they come around from the other side."

Ignoring his hand, she shifted over to the wall and sat next to him, their shoulders touching just slightly. She heard him chuckle at her refusal. She ignored that too.

"Well?" she asked. "You said 'each of us'. What's your answer?"

He looked down at her, then back out the window. "I can't say if I'm having the same existential crisis as you are…" he glanced at her, trying to gauge if he'd offended her, but she seemed to be listening intently. He continued.

"…but I do know that a lot of this life feels incomplete. I feel like I'm constantly running after something that I'll never catch, but it's more…physical. I hold onto memories. To sentiments. I'm not going to lie, it's hard to see the building all beat up like that." He paused to look longingly at what remained of Section 9. "I'm not fighting to find myself. I know who I am, and I know this life isn't worth living for me unless I'm fighting for something I believe in."

"Like Section 9?"

"Like Section 9. Like our jobs. Protecting people and maintaining truths, like I said. But it's also…for more than that. I'm fighting for the things and people that I care about. That's why I…."

He stopped, having given her the explanation she was initially after. She could tell he was thinking about the watch. About how he'd risked his life to get it back, to give it to her. Just to see her again. She hadn't been quite able to pinpoint his reasoning until now.

He tried to speak again. "Without Section 9, I …"

At that moment, another helicopter flew by, whirring and blaring its sirens. It peered into the window, shining a blinding light, scanning, searching. When it finally passed, both of them looked up in shock.

Batou had thrown her into the corner of the room, the darkest corner, shielding her with his body. He had his hand wrapped around her head to protect it from hitting the floor. He could feel her face resting in his shoulder, her hands pressing into his chest. She gently pushed him off of her, and stood up quickly.

"As much as we were enjoying the nighttime view, I think it's time we moved somewhere safer."

He stood up and nodded. The whole ordeal took only a second, but his heart was pounding. His synthetic skin was on fire. He could only wonder if she even felt remotely the same.

Following her to the door she had initially walked past, she punched in a key code and it slid open. To his surprise, behind it lay another reinforced door, into which she punched another code. Both of them quickly ducked into the room.

Batou found himself inside the Major's body storage room. Lining the walls were multiple prosthetic bodies of varying ages, but none appeared to have any real combat capabilities. Decoys mostly, he figured. Computer screens behind them lit up the room with a blue-white glow. Towards the back of the room there was what appeared to be a makeshift bed consisting of large pillows and a few plush blankets.

"You sleep in here?" he said with amusement. "Don't all those empty bodies creep you out?"

"It's only for emergencies. Besides, I know their capabilities, so what is there to be afraid of?"

He shrugged. She leaned up against a control panel. She could feel the awkward tension in the room. And a strange feeling she didn't quite understand…until she looked at Batou. His battered, bandaged body - a body missing an arm that he had sacrificed in order to return a piece of her humanity to her. She knew the feeling then. It was one she very rarely felt.

Guilt.

Guilt for what tomorrow would bring. Guilt because she knew when he said "Without Section 9," he was really saying, "Without you." Guilt because she could, but didn't, stop this from happening. She wanted it to happen.

Batou was staring pensively at her now, knowing she was lost in thought. "Earth to Major," he joked, with that big familiar smile. She couldn't help but throw a quick smile back as she walked to the door, pausing in front of it.

"Once I set this code, this room will lock down until just before sunrise. There will be no outside or inside access. Should an intruder somehow manage to break the defense barrier, our only escape will be to either dive into and hide in one of these bodies, or detach our ghosts and stay hidden in the net until someone finds us and can return us to a physical state."

His eyebrows raised. "You sure don't call this a safehouse for nothing."

She just looked at him. He sighed, and nodded his head just slightly. She punched in the code, and a warning siren sounded. She disabled it and a faint red light circled the room from the defense mechanism implanted in the door. She turned back to him.

"Well, there we g-"

She stopped, realizing Batou was inches away from her. She could hear his soft breathing and smell that familiar, distinguishing scent: cigarette smoke and leather from the jacket he always wore. She wondered why she hadn't noticed it before.

Batou had begun to walk to her, but stopped abruptly. Even in his wildest dreams, he never could have fathomed being locked, half-naked, in a small room with the Major for an entire night. And despite this, he realized wanted nothing more than to just talk to her. To reach into her soul and grasp that vulnerable humanity he had glimpsed just for a second. He was certain she had never let anyone see her like this, had never let anyone get this close. It was an honor, a privilege, to be with her now - and he knew it.

He looked at her. Her beautiful, strong features. They'd been through so much together. They'd had each other's backs. They'd saved each other from certain death, they'd joked, gotten drinks, had stupid arguments. They'd killed together. Saved lives together. She was his superior officer, and she rarely let him forget that.

But in this moment, she was more than a friend, more than a superior officer, more than a lover, and more than a confidant. She was just…more. He'd known from the moment he met her that he would die for her. It was just now that he realized he'd spend the rest of his life living for her, too.

The Major slowly looked up, locking her gaze with his. She was cool, collected, as always. But this time, she just couldn't find the right words. The uncertainty perplexed her, and she let it show. She moved past Batou, her shoulder brushing his chest. She went over to the makeshift bed, grabbed a large pillow, and propped it up against the wall. Then she sat against it and stared at him, inviting him to join her.

There was that awkward tension again. He slowly made his way to her, taking a pillow and doing the same. They were sitting side by side again, but this time their eyes stayed fixated on each other. Batou spoke first.

"So. What do we do when these doors open?"

"We run. I have a connection that can get us to Europe. We can lie low there while we attempt to figure out our next steps." The words tasted bitter as she forced out the lie. She knew she'd likely never set foot on that plane.

"Europe, huh," he mused, grinning again. His voice grew softer, and without breaking eye contact, he added jokingly, "Well then. What do we do right now?"

She ignored him and looked away. She could tell he was amused by that response. Slightly irked, she quipped, "You know, I could have easily done this alone."

His voice was serious again. "I know you could have. I know you'd be gone already if it wasn't for me."

She sighed. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to imply that you were any kind of burden."

That made him laugh. "Oh, but I am, aren't I? Admit it. I followed you here. I put us both in this situation. I broke into your safehouse, which now has Umibozu corpses and two destroyed armored suits littering the rubble, not to mention the Tachikomas…" He cringed.

"Look, Batou, I-"

"No, _you_ look." He had turned his body to completely face her, a mixture of what she thought looked like agony and determination plastered on his face. "Major. Section 9 is all I have. Maybe I shouldn't have followed you. Going by the individual strengths of the team, you're definitely the most capable when it comes to handling yourself. You didn't need me here. It was never about you needing me or even wanting me to be here. It was about me."

He turned away again, realizing he'd said more than he meant to. Slowly, he finished the thought. "It was about me wanting to be here. I needed to be here."

They were silent. The red light circled the room, illuminating their bodies in regular intervals. The computer screens kept them bathed in a cool, blue glow.

He spoke softly, a barely audible whisper. "I need you."

And with those words he mustered all of the courage he had left and very slowly reached over with his one intact arm, cupped her face in his hand, and stroked her cheek gently with his thumb. Her eyes widened. She was dumbfounded. This couldn't really be happening. Every bit of sanity screamed at her to stop this from happening.

But his hand was warm. She could feel him yearning for her. Her own feelings were seeping to the surface, feelings she wasn't even sure she'd even had until this very minute. The fire spreading throughout her body and mind confused her. Who did he think he was? Why was she letting this happen?

She didn't have time to keep thinking about it, because his face was slowly growing closer and closer. In a split second she made her final decision. As she completely let go of her inhibitions, she felt him do the same. His grip tightened and he pulled her to him.

Their noses touched first, but both of them stopped as their lips barely brushed. They remained locked like this, foreheads touching, breathing in each other's soft, anxious breaths. His hand slipped to the back of her neck, with his thumb resting over her ear. She gently slid closer to him, pushing away every last bit of rationality she had, reveling in the pure emotion. Reveling in the fact that someone wanted her with such intensity. Reveling in the fact that they both might never understand this in the aftermath, and they didn't care.

She placed one hand on his chest, feeling his fast heartbeat and his chest rising and falling with long, staggered breaths. The other hand she moved to his face, running over his weathered lips with her fingers. He kissed them gently, sending a shockwave of emotion through her.

Their cybernetic bodies were not capable of sex, and they knew this. Neither of them wanted it. This kind of closeness went beyond the physical.

Their legs were intertwined now, with her body practically in his lap. He made it a point to stare directly into her eyes before swiftly pressing his lips into hers. Deliberately. Passionately. Her hand reached to the back of his head, and with her fingers in his hair, she kept him pressed against her.

Batou didn't know how long they stayed that way. All he felt was her warm tongue reaching into him, and he reciprocated. She gripped him tightly, desperately. He ran his hand up and down her spine, caressed her face, tousled her hair. He was sure this was a dream. It had to be. This couldn't be real.

Finally their lips broke contact, and placing his hand on the center of her back, he kissed her neck. Short, brief kisses, sometimes only barely brushing her skin. She reached an arm around his shoulder, pulling him in, and ran her fingers through his hair with the other one, as soft breaths escaped her lips. By this time stray hairs had come loose from his ponytail and were covering his face. She gently brushed them away, and, pulling back, took a deep breath.

He rested his hand on her waist, waiting for her to make a move. Instead she slid off of him, her eyes regaining their usual stony stare. Her muscles tensed. As if nothing happened, she stated matter-of-factly: "We should sleep."

Still raw from the emotion, Batou nodded his head, removing his hand. He couldn't even believe she'd let him touch her, let alone take it that far. Never in a million years could he have anticipated that response, though he was certainly accustomed to this one. This is the Major he knew, with those stone-cold eyes and unforgiving stare. A perpetual poker face she'd never let him read. He tried to gauge her face for any sign of emotion, but concluded that what had just happened either genuinely didn't affect her, or she was doing a great job hiding it. Oddly enough, he felt more comfortable with her now than he had the entire night. His heart was still pounding, but he couldn't help but smile and shake his head knowingly. Maybe she didn't know who she was, but he sure did. Grabbing a pillow, he shifted to the ground.

Lying down next to him, the Major's thoughts tugged and pulled at every inch of her psyche. Those bubbling feelings she'd experienced had to have been simply in the heat of the moment. There was no other explanation...or maybe there was, but she certainly wasn't willing to accept it. Not now. Not when, in the wake of tomorrow, they'd have to pretend this night never happened. Silently, she vowed that if she couldn't forget this night on her own, she would either erase or alter her memories of it. She'd have to. Survival was their top priority, not only for them, but for all of Section 9.

Batou was lying on his side, facing her, staring straight at her. She could tell he was still trying to read her, but knew he had no clue. No clue at all.

He slowly reached over and placed his hand on her waist. Before the guilt could seep in again, and before she had a chance to react to the emotion once again welling up inside of her, she closed her eyes. She could still taste him: sweet saliva and cigarette smoke. She quickly turned off her vision and drifted to sleep.

Batou watched her for a long, long while. When he was sure she was asleep he pulled a blanket over both of them, and returned his hand to her sleeping frame, feeling her body rise and fall. He studied her peaceful face and tried his hardest to comprehend what had just happened. He couldn't figure it out, not alone. Once they made it to Europe, he decided, they could figure it out together.

"I just need you," he whispered one last time before shutting down his vision, and letting her face fade to black.

"I need you, Motoko."

END


End file.
